This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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