we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
