This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
