i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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