Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she told me i tasted like america
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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