If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MIDGETS
????
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
