We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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