I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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