You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
