I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
