I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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