If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
