I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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