at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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