you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
