The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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