EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
