Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
