i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
