I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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