tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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