guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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