That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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