I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Come see our sink grown plant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
