East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
