i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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