My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm really busy with my period
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