you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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