I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a musical about memes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
please don't ironically join a cult
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