operation harelip BJ is a go
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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