ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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