God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Randomize
