either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
