There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
