I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
