Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
