Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
