The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
