He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
