I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
