I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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