ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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