I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need to align my fucking chakras
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
