I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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