I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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