Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
