Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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