Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize