I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.