wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
