I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
