He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
