so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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