Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
