Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
