Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
