you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
