Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
