this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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