Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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