Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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