my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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