Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
