I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
