You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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