I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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