Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
