If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
