he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
