just come out here and I will go home with you...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
