remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
