Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There r osticjed everywhere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
