My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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