i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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