You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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