When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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