I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
