Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We're too hungover to prance.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
