I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
