Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
